Paradox and Confidence

Dear Stranger,

I don't know a lot, but I do know you're better than you think you are. I know you struggle with life in some way, and I want you to know that I do too.

I don't know a lot, but I know I'm a paradox. I want to be happy, but I'm complacent in my sadness. I'm lazy, yet ambitious. I don't like myself, but I'm in love with who I am. I feign confidence, yet I breathe insecurities. I crave attention, though I reject it when it comes my direction. I know that I am a conflicted contradiction. If I can't figure myself out, there's no way anyone else has.

When you are sure you're worthless and nothing, look again for the beauty and grace I know is there. If you can't find it, look again. Confidence is not self-satisfaction, it's the faith one has to find their light in the darkness of the world.

Keep looking,

A Stranger

The Fault In Our Stars

Dear Stranger,

Yesterday (May 21st, 2013) I received my letter from a stranger. My stranger told me I wasn't alone in the world, but rather surrounded by lonely people. Anyway, at the end of her letter, she told me to read "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green.

The next day (today, may 22nd) I checked the book out of my school library and in just a few hours I finished it. And now I'm writing this to you, because you need to read that book. And if you already have, feel blessed. Ta know life fucking sucks sometimes, like really really sucks. But we are alive, living, we are healthy (mostly).

I know I always forget to be grateful for the small stuff, but that small stuff is essential to happiness. Example: Reading a book that changes your perspective on life, eating your favorite food in the middle of the night, lying in your bed watching Hulu or Netflix. I don't even really know what I'm saying at this point, but just appreciate the small stuff that makes you smile.

I don't know you or anything about you, and you know nothing about me. Well, you should know that I'm fighting my own personal battle, a very emotional one, a complicated one, and I have no doubt you're doing the same. We are all struggling, really, like I said, life fucking sucks sometimes. Or maybe you lead a very perfect life, in which case I'm jealous. Anyway, you're received my letter for a reason, something I've said is meant for your eyes to read. I hope this letter benefits you, I hope I make your life the tinsiest bit different. Please, read 'the fault in our stars'. And then, if you have time, read 50 Shades of Grey. :) Do something ridiculous this week ok? Seriously, do something this week that you'll remember forever.

Life goes on, Stranger.

Writer, mentor, teacher, friend.

Dear Stranger,

I'm glad to be sending this card to you. I don't know you, but I hope to -slightly- brighten your day. Since I can't reveal anything personal about myself, instead I'll tell you something MORE than personal: The last line I read in the book with which I am currently falling in love was: "For many years, Beverly will remember every word of this conversation while failing to recall no matter how hard she tries, who hung up first." If you find it, I highly recommend this book. The author is a mentor + former teacher of mine. Though I love her book irrelevant of her person, but it just so happens she is also the last person who made me cry - of gladness, and painful self-awareness. I am soon to lose my job + am having a tough time finding alternate employment. Gosh. It. Is. Hard. And my confidence is taking a serious hit. 2 years out of college, I'm back to hunting, back to my childhood bedroom + friend's couches.

I am not miserable, but I am sad. When I saw this person- writer, mentor, teacher, friend- she told me I am talented, and I was shocked to find how much my insides no longer knew this + needed to be told.

Stranger... I hope that there is nothing you yearn for in that way just now, but if there is, I hope also that you can identify someone in your life who can remind you that you are so lovely + talented + worthwhile in all of your you-ness.

With love,
from Me