Dear Stranger,
I hope you are well. I am not.
If I could escape to another world, where the urgency and the wailing red lights called "responsibilities" were just a bad dream... I would find a bed in a dark room and nest in the pillows and blankets until my heart could love itself again.
I would violently vomit up the self-loathing that's been poisoning my system for decades into a great big garbage can and feel utter relief.
I would wear my warmest pajamas and my fuzzy sock and sleep and sleep and sleep, in the comfort of knowing everything is going to be okay, assured that I have some fundamental worth.
But my life rages on, unexpectedly, frantically. My own mind threatens me for every hesitation, everything "mistake." It knows all my weak spots. There's no place to hide. It savagely tears me apart.
I don't want to play this sick game any longer. I don't want to live in constant panic.
How do I escape?
Again, I hope you are well. May you always live in an abundance of peace.
This does makes one to think that there are more people who has more grief that his/her and it certainly want him to work or snooze his way forward.
ReplyDeleteNice letter.
I suffer from depression and it is HARD, but you and I have got this far, let's not give up now!
ReplyDeleteyou are a beautiful writer. I know that doesn't do much for ones anxiety and panic, but what I can say is that you described that beautifully. i feel the same way sometimes. let us all try to see the big picture of life, and not diminish our existence, but take joy and hope in how small we are, and how much opportunity we all have. take it easy darlins.
ReplyDeleteI suffer from depression/ self hate/loathing
ReplyDeleteThis is me.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though this person possessed my soul. I have been in hiding, so to speak, for one generous yet short seasonal year. In 2 weeks I HAVE to return to work after months of depression and quitting the use of drugs. I fear even the thought of it.